Why We Hold Ourselves Back

One of my clients messaged me this week as she was working on her business plan. She has done the hard work of defining all the inputs she needs to complete the form. Her business concept is solid and she has a unique value proposition that sets her apart from her competitors... but here she was, putting pen to paper and asking herself the same questions that every entrepreneur faces: Who am I to think I can do this?

I can't help but take a deep breath upon hearing these words because, I encounter them myself in both my personal and professional life ALL. THE. TIME. If you think you are alone in your imposter syndrome, think again. We are all socialized to 'play small', especially women. We are encouraged to worry about what if things don't work out? When perhaps what's scarier is what if they do? What would happen if we invested in living a fulfilled life?

Here's my theory about why we hold ourselves back:

To live a fulfilled life, means we have to be prepared to live in the full spectrum of emotions. As the great Hattie Boydle has said, "We can't walk through life expecting things to be easy. We have prepare for things to be hard." And in the words of the great Glennon Doyle, "We can do hard things." When we refuse to experience self-doubt, grief, sadness, we rob ourselves of joy, belonging, confidence, happiness. We cannot accept the beauty that life has to offer when we are focused on dodging the pain that could come from losing it.

We are not born mediocre. We just only rise to the level of greatness that is our belief system. So on my own journey, the mantra that I found helpful in building this muscle came from author Christopher D. Wallis who said, "You don't have to believe in your own divinity; you just have to be open to the possibility that it might be true."

So what I told my client was, courage builds confidence. EVERY. SMALL. WIN. COUNTS. Sometimes that small win is just filling out the business plan template. That's one step closer to the vision becoming a reality, and accomplishing that step makes her prepared for the next step after that. No matter what crafting the life you want looks like, be it building a business, creating community, purposefully nesting, or otherwise, we have to remember that the reward for our discomfort in the moment is accomplishment in the next. Be grateful for the hard things, so you can be grateful for the joys that they offer in return.